In 2011, the Union were having the great defensive domination. Our clean sheets, our goals-against averages and our making-strikers-weep statistics were all in the league’s top five. However, we were not scoring the goals. I can only recall seven goals scored, in the full season. Perhaps eight. This only divides to a 0.22 goals-per-game average, which is not so nifty. For 2012, we will emphasize grit and youth and attacking play. We have unloaded our…
Read More »

Note:  Camden Youth Soccer Club is a volunteer group that organizes an affordable soccer program for kids in Camden, wrangling equipment and setting up weekend games.  This week, their goals were stolen, presumably by the most sniveling prick in the tri-State area.  You can help replace them by donating here. Dear Sir or Madam, Who the fuck do you think you are? It’s one thing to steal- hell, I’ve done it.  I mean, who would…
Read More »

Piotr’s recent comments about my coaching prospects along with the release of my proposed starter Nizar Khalfan have left me shaken these last few days. Broken emotionally and intellectually, I’ve decided to take a break from tactical talk and front office second-guessing. Instead of writing about all that heavy shit, I’ll return to my roots- banal dick jokes.  Here’s a few predictions for the 2012 season: 1. Though more of a grower than a shower, Zac…
Read More »

The latest beneficiary of PUT’s desperate and shameless self-promotion has been chosen!   Using a super high-speed computer, a series of complex algorithms, some chicken organs and a reasonably priced Oracle-for-hire, we came to our ultimate conclusion: that we should just put the names in a hat.  Having no hats, we put the names into a pair of chinos, the wearer of which was surprised but very accomodating as we groped around his lovin’ parts and pulled the name of… …Michael…
Read More »

  In case you haven’t heard, Greg Jordan, Raymon Gaddis, Krystian Witkowski, Chase Harrison and Antione Hoppenot are all official. That’s three mids, one defender and a goalie signing their lives away to the Blue and Gold.  How does this affect the lineups?  That depends on the current presumed starters.  Greg Jordan is likely to see some time, maybe as an alternative to Carroll.  Hoppenot’s got potential too.  Raymon Gaddis will certainly be useful when someone like Sheanon Williams is…
Read More »

We are still have one international slot open on our roster. I was holding it for Robert Lewandowski, the great striker of Borussia Dortmund.  I offered second-round MLS draft pick and box of slightly-used practice balls.  They responded with demands of €9 million.  I tried to sweeten the deal with Levi Houapeu and three more balls.  They are no longer return my texts. Now, I am thinking we will bring back Juan Diego González.  I…
Read More »

[Don't forget to enter for your chance to Win a Union Travel Mug from Philly Union Talk] Goals for.  Goals against.  Pass completion percentage.  Minutes, miles, years, days, months.  No sports fan can resist the temptation of cold hard stats. Maybe it’s the fantasy of being able to understand what’s basically inscrutable, to make logical sense out of a wildly unpredictable and emotional thing.  We want to make order from chaos, and so we crunch…
Read More »

If the recent Citizens United decision has taught us anything, it’s this:  you can be popular, or you can buy popular.  Of course, no one with even a modicum of self-respect would do the latter. Which is why we’ll assume that when you, loyal reader, “Like” us on Facebook between now and Friday, you’ll be doing so because you sincerely believe that PUT is the finest source of web-based Union news and analysis this side…
Read More »

  It’s that time of year again, Union fans.  As of now, our controversial roster is pretty much what it’s gonna be.  Following an offseason of unusual turnover, heart-rending surprises, vicious debate, and a deluge of tweets fit for no man’s daughters, we’ve got ourselves a team.  For better or worse, Union 3.0 has arrived. Now we’ve gotta figure out what to do with it.  Undoubtedly, Nowak & Co. are huddling in one of their favorite undisclosed locations, poring…
Read More »

I am the man of Renaissance. Football player. Football coach. International spy. Culinary master. Fencing expert. Gifted oboe player. Man-who-can-eat-Joey’s-two-foot-cheesesteak. And now, I am also the journalism. Back in 2010, I sent to J.P. Dellacamera my first story. It was called: Watch Me Punch Chris Seitz in this YouTube Video It was very compelling story, with accompanying video. He did not publish it. A few weeks later, I gave him my second story, which was…
Read More »